This Curve Ball is Bigger Than I Thought!

Well, here's a picture of me you never thought you would see! I hope you can stomach these MRI pictures I was able to see at Wednesday's appointment with my surgeon, but I found it very interesting! The optic nerves look pretty cool from the bottom, don't they? (the right optic nerve is on the left)

The big white mass forming in the middle under my brain is the tumor. The doctor said it's acting like glue and wrapping around whatever it can get to, most critically my optic nerve, which is what has been causing the vision loss, and my carotid artery. (By the way, pardon the large nose in the 2nd picture, it's not my best side I suppose!) The carotid artery you may see is the dark line running down the middle.

Can you believe that? I thought, "Yes, it will be a miracle to watch how this all will work out!" My blessing said that I will heal completely. How incredible and comforting! That in itself has been a miracle to me over the past two weeks.

I was so grateful to meet the surgeon, Dr. Maughan, and he was so good at answering our questions, pacing things, using good bedside manner, and taking all the time we needed to see pictures and have our concerns addressed. He spent 2 1/2 hours with us, but it flew by. He looks very young, and I thought it was pretty funny how when my mom kept asking him questions about past surgeries he has performed, he said, "Wait you haven't even asked how old I am yet!" I guess he gets that a lot! He said he is 37, and has performed many of these type of surgeries-- over 70 last year! I felt so blessed to be getting him as our surgeon. He will be great to work with. He even told me to smile during the appointment! I guess I looked nervous. :)

I was a little blown away Wednesday afternoon, and along with a terrible headache that hadn't gone away all day, I got emotional, but I'm so grateful for my parents both being there with me. They have always been the best supports a girl could ask for! I have really been hoping to still go to Israel, and Dr. Maughan said that if my vision gets worse, he would like me to stay home and get into surgery early. But he said I could still go if I felt I would be okay. So I stick with my decision for Dec. 10th, 3 days after I return from Israel. He gave me a steroid prescription Rx that will help the inflammation and swelling of the tumor. So far it hasn't made me sick, but it has been raising my blood sugars quite a bit. I'm checking my blood more often to control that, but I can deal with high blood sugars if it means the tumor doesn't get too large. One good piece of news: I can still go running, and that won't effect the tumor! Extra running will be good to make up for the blood sugars.

Wednesday night I finished making comments for my students' report cards and then headed home to wake up early for the big day of teaching and parent teacher conferences until 8 pm. I'm so thankful I didn't have headaches the two days of conferences! They went really well, and I felt so blessed to have finished report cards when I was off track! I have a great class, and I'm especially grateful that I will have an incredible long-term sub teaching my class during my Israel trip and during the surgery recovery. She's been a teacher, and knows half of the students in my class already! That really puts me at ease, because I hate missing so much of the school year. They are SUCH a cute class!

Meanwhile, I have had wonderful phone calls, emails, and visits from friends. I can't thank you enough for all your words of concern and wanting to be there and help me. I know your prayers have helped carry me and strengthen me!!!

In fact, as I went to bed last night (Thursday) after a big day, I couldn't help but feel such love and comfort and a presence of the Savior with me. I knew this was because of the prayers of such faithful friends and loved ones. I have literally felt bathed in help. I have felt comfort from the Holy Ghost, even at times when I have least expected it! I hope my sharing how much your prayers have helped me builds your testimony of the true power of prayer. I want you to know I pray for all who are praying for me too, that your strength and faith will be built because of your goodness. I'm so blessed with you as my friends! It has been humbling to hear people say they are praying and fasting for me--making me feel so special and loved. It makes me think I want to be that kind of person more for others when they are going through hard times too! I've realized how much that really means!

On Wednesday, as we walked out of the doctors, hearing how involved the surgery is going to be, I just turned to my mom as she had her arm around me and said, "I don't want to do this!" She replied, "I wish I could do this for you, Janelle!" I couldn't help but think how hard it was for our Father in Heaven to watch ALL the pain of ALL the world taken upon His Son, Jesus Christ. A mother's love, especially my mother, helps me understand much more the love of God.

I know the Savior is with me, loves me, I love Him with all my heart. I'm glad I know He will be with me in this, because I know His power is real. I think of the beautiful words Nephi wrote in his psalm in chapter 4-- "My God hath been my support, he hath led me...He hath filled me with his love...he hath heard my cry by day and given me knowledge in the night... the Lord hath visited men in so much mercy. O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever." Go Nephi, you said it well!

I know it sounds crazy, but I feel very strongly I still need to go to Israel next week. A week from today I will be there, walking the places He performed His miracles and taught eternal truths. I am so excited to spend the 12 days before my surgery in this Holy Land, pondering on the wonder of the Atonement. In the temple tonight, I had a great talk with my supervisor Sis. Lignell, the brothers' supervisor, Bro. Pinney, and Pres. Christensen in the presidency. They were so excited for me to be there as well. They are going to mention to the temple workers my situation, and if I know those temple workers, they'll be praying as well. They said they are excited for me to hurry back to the temple, and I am too! Pres. Christensen even promised me a tall, dark, and handsome man he would have ready for me the first day I got back and he'll go ahead and seal us right then and there. Ha ha, I love that man's humor! Sis. Lignell went to extra work for me to have a beautiful experience in the temple tonight, and I'm so grateful! I will truly miss being there with the inspiring temple workers and their many smiles and words of love. Likewise with my ward and the incredible people there, and at my job with all the other great teachers and staff. After the session finished, I was able to spend a few minutes in the Celestial room, pondering and praying and feeling so at peace.

I am so thankful this Thanksgiving for family, love, friends, the faith of children, good doctors and recent medical discoveries, my testimony that Christ lives, and continues to heal today, for all the many blessings of the restored gospel on Earth-- knowledge, priesthood blessings, families, temples, scriptures, living prophets, the Holy Ghost, good leaders, and righteous examples! I truly am blessed with so many of the things that truly matter.

Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I know I sure will!