Desires & Decisions

I've been filled with so many thoughts lately, and keep thinking it would be good to blog some of them! :)

A few weeks ago, I started thinking about going full-time again next year. I have been grateful to do a job share this year. I have been able to spend my time on caring for my health, seeing doctors, taking care of our home (with the crazy flood in January, fridge problems, and the car issues), and I have LOVED having more time to serve. What a blessing to be able to travel to Laura's in September to help with her new baby, and then to Denver when her father-in-law passed away. It's been really good for me to step back a little from school and realize what I need to do to keep things in balance. Being compassionate service leader has been a great calling, not just to help those in the ward, but to be more aware of who needs help, and how I can help. I feel that's one strong purpose of my life. I've loved having more time to dedicate to family, to reading, and to my best friend, Tyler! :)

Well, after LOTS of thought and LOTS of talk-- Tyler got quite an earful, especially for our few-days trip to Bryce Canyon!-- I decided that going full time would be best. Giving my all to the students I teach, and being anxiously engaged in helping them and using the skills I've been blessed to learn, is something that felt very right. It's been a good break for a year, and I feel something urging me to get back in with both feet and give it my all. My ultimate desires are to nurture and be with children. They are special and so important, and helping them in the early years is a great privilege. And especially since I'm not able to be a mom right now, I feel teaching full-time is the right decision.

Well... these thoughts came very surprisingly at first. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed right. Then, I realized, I better wait and make sure that my MRI doesn't show any tumor growth. That may sway the decision! In order to tell my amazing job-share teacher the decision as soon as possible so SHE could decide what to do next school year, I moved up my annual MRI 3 weeks. So, after a good, relaxing, and nice outdoor-meditating-time trip to Bryce Canyon with Tyler, we celebrated Easter on Sunday with the family, and then Monday I went in for the MRI. The next morning I got a call from the nurse at the neurosurgeon's office. She and the radiologist confirmed that there was little if any tumor growth!! What an answer to prayers and what a blessing so we can keep moving forward. It's hard to describe the relief and joy I felt. Both Tyler and my Mom were in tears as we texted that morning, and I love what my mom-in-law said, "Heavenly Father knows we still need you here!"

I let Libbi (my job share teacher) know my decision, and I was worried how this affected her. She was more than understanding and assured me that she knew this was only for a year for sure, and that she wasn't upset. She wanted me to do what was right. (In fact, it may even be better for her in the long run... she has 5 kids, 3 of which are still home, and if she got a job out in Sandy, she would be able to be closer to her kids.) And yes, this DOES feel right. I'm looking forward to another school year, although it will be busy, and full of lots to think about and plan for, I know it's what I need to do. It will also be a blessing to have some extra income so Tyler and I can save up-- for adoption, and to pay for many life expenses. :)

It's interesting to me to see how the Lord works through our mind and heart. He understands my true desires and helps me think through the steps for me to get there, and even more so, he inspires PEOPLE who will help me. Tyler has been an incredible listener as I share with him my desires, goals, and dreams. He is a great cheerleader, my best friend, and always the kind, non-judgmental listener. He listened and then shared key insights as I made this and other decisions. I know Heavenly Father led us to each other, and He has blessed me more than I could express to be married to a man who holds the priesthood honorably, who has an incredible ability of speaking and treating others in a Christlike way, who has such a good heart, who loves the gospel with all his heart, and with whom I get to experience so much joy in this life! I know the Lord has had a hand in my life, more than I realize. Tyler knows I need the counsel to be patient with myself, to not give up, and the assurance that whatever happens in this life, all things will be made up to us, and we can always trust in the Lord.

Now, for the health update... we have been so grateful to learn what works in helping me control the headaches!!! We've noticed a strong trend in high blood sugars or changes in blood sugars causing headaches. So now, I'm doubly encouraged to keep the sugars under control! This week, I'm excited to have received a new insulin pump, a continuous glucose monitor that watches my sugar levels, and a blood checker that sends the results to my pump as well. All this has helped me so much in seeing patterns. It seems the longer I have diabetes, the more prone my levels are to changing with a little bit of food, insulin, or exercise. So these new technologies are awesome helps! My A1C will be better, as well as my energy level, and the headaches. Hooray!

I've also had a goal lately to be able to lose weight and get back to running long distances-- even to do a half marathon this year! Thanks to the new glucose sensor, I was able to do an 8-mile run this morning-- in the gorgeous, spring (but a little cool) weather! I'm hoping to get up to 11 miles in a couple weeks and accomplish the goal of half-marathon in June!

As for studying the gospel, I've read some incredible things that have given me powerful thoughts and impressions. What a blessing that I've learned such things from the Spirit lately.
--General Conference, two weeks ago, was incredible, wasn't it? I loved feeling the excitement of doing missionary work! Pres. Monson announced the change in missionary age six months ago, and also quoted, "When all is said and done, the greatest work we do will be to preach the gospel." It's incredible to see the thousands of youth who want to go serve-- many more young sisters are now choosing to serve! I loved serving a mission, and want to help in this work too. I also loved the focus on turning to the Savior, Jesus Christ, and making Him our foundation in a world with much more, all the time, trying to distract us from our ultimate goal. Helaman 5:12!!
--On Sunday, Tyler and I watched an amazing DVD of Elder Bednar leading a discussion for his book "Act in Doctrine." The DVD came with the book, and I highly recommend it. He spends nearly two hours answering questions and seeking to help those in attendance. I love how he turned them to the Savior, and to "ask, seek, and knock" for themselves in the scriptures. He also mentioned many times the "character of Christ" in the way He constantly looked to how He could serve and help others. He even mentioned the sacrament; how when we partake each week we could ask ourselves, "Am I looking inward to self? Or outward to others?"
--Tyler also shared an article he found with me, about the creation of our solar system, other galaxies, and other worlds. There is so much we don't comprehend, and so much more to learn! Our Heavenly Father knows and understands all, and we do not comprehend all that He comprehends. (Mosiah 5:8) Which makes it even more apparent that we must trust in Him, and not lean on our own understanding!
--I recently finished an incredible book by Karl Anderson, called, "The Savior in Kirtland." The incredible vision he helped give with the explanation of keys and symbols being restored, and prophecy being fulfilled was amazing! There were many references to the appearances of the Savior and other angelic ministers to restore the fulness of the gospel. I learned so much about how all dispensations of the gospel have helped lead to THIS time we live in, when we have the fulness of the gospel, with all the keys to carry on the Lord's work. It gave me greater understanding and vision of my purpose in this day we live in, and what an exciting time it is! Many before us who have accepted and lived the gospel, sacrificing so much, are counting on us to carry on this latter-day work in the temples and in taking the gospel to all the world!
--I also love the book by Elder Holland I've been reading, "Broken Things to Mend." It's a collection of many wonderful talks he has given, organized in a very impactful way, giving even more purpose to the time we live in and the people we are to become. Doesn't he have an incredible gift of words?
--Yesterday, my mom and dad and I were able to hear Bishop Chris Williams speak to the hosting volunteers of the Salt Lake Church Office Buildings, and it was a powerful experience. I was most impressed with the earnest desire he showed of turning others to the Savior, and giving God the glory for what he had learned and experienced in his forgiveness and suffering of his trials. What hope and light he conveyed by showing how the Savior lifts us through anything we experience. He has an incredible understanding of the Atonement, and it was a pleasure to talk with him after and express our appreciation for his testimony and experiences shared in his book, "Let it Go."

The recent happenings in the news can trouble us if we don't have the light of the gospel to look to and cling to. The Savior is the light of the world, and giveth light to all things. It's reassuring to see so many good people in the world sharing His light with others, serving others to seek after the good, and rising above the troubles we hear about. I desire to be true and faithful and loyal to Him all my days. I love the true joy that comes to us when we seek to serve Him. Recently, in reading Mosiah chapter 2, in the Book of Mormon, I renewed my determination to serve the Savior by serving others. I love Him with all my heart. Words could never be enough to thank Him for His atoning sacrifice and His selfless life. Thanks to the Savior, I have healed from surgeries, I continue to breath and live and move every day, and I have hope in this life. I know He lives and loves us and wants the very best for us!