A Wink and A Smile

Here I am winking with my niece Kylie at the bowling alley!

You know the song "We go together...like a wink and a smile"? (Heather will remember this!) I was thinking about that tonight- and in my case, they need to go together in order for me to keep going! It looks like I'm winking a really long time with my right eye closed, but I try to smile through it. I loved how one lady commented in a store the other day, "You just smile and still look happy-- you own it!" That has become our new favorite phrase- I OWN IT!

Well, today was not such a great and smiley day, but I tried! I really miss running. Whenever I have been stressed, I let it out by going running, but I haven't been able to do that for the past six weeks. Also, I went to my school today to check in and pick up some things before the kids go off track. It was fun seeing everyone, but something happened on the way to the car: in the 10 seconds I crossed the playground, a basketball came flying at me from the right (which I didn't see because that eye is closed) and hit me HARD right in the back of my head! I bee-lined it to the car before any of the students saw me crying and let the tears flow once I got in the van with my mom. Needless to say, I've had a pretty rough headache all day!

My mom and I were on our way to a Neuro Ophthamologist up at the John Moran Eye Center at the U of U. Four hours and many eye tests later, this is what we found out.

BAD NEWS:
-It's not likely I will regain much vision in my right eye, because the optic nerve is part of the Central Nervous System (brain and spinal cord) which does not regenerate.
-She thinks I probably had a stroke in my right eye causing the complete vision loss (perhaps during surgery or soon after).
-What little healing may be done on my optic nerve will probably not allow me to "track" (match movement) with my left eye. It's strange for me to see how my eyes don't match when I try to look up, down, left, and right. (I had my mom take pictures of this when I lifted my eyelid.)
-I see 2-dimensional! I'd be wasting my money if I paid to see a movie in 3-D. :) Maybe that's good news!

GOOD NEWS:
-The 3rd nerve that controls my eyelid opening and the support of my eye is part of the Perepheral Nervous System, that has a better chance of healing!
-I probably don't have to take a driving test after all (that was $175) because it's legal to drive with one eye in Utah, and that eye has great peripheral vision.
-All my left eye tests were good- only the beginning of cataracts are forming.
-The pressure is normal in BOTH eyes!
-I also got good news from the district: I can go back to working half days in February- I know it will be too much to handle full days at the kind of job I have! Gratefully, my current sub will do the other half- yeah!

NOW:
-It was highly recommended to get shatter-proof glasses, since any damage to my one good eye would be detrimental to my vision.
-We'll wait six months to see what kind of healing takes place with the 3rd nerve and optic nerve. No therapy or exercises can be done to speed the process. :(
-The doctor ordered a Brain and Orbits MRI for next week.
-I will follow up with her in 3 months.

Even amidst a tough day, I can still say there's so much I'm GRATEFUL for!
-I'm grateful to read the scriptures and pray with my parents every night. We LOVED Helaman chapter 5 tonight!
-I'm grateful my mom is driving me around, and was there to take notes at the doctor. She put up with my bummed attitude too! She and my dad make me laugh and smile every day!
-I'm so thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ! It was wonderful being in the temple tonight and feeling the love of the Lord for me. I know the Savior lives and loves each of us. His sacrifice means more to me each day.
-I'm glad I was able to read "Undaunted"- an awesome book about the sacrifice early Utah settlers made. Wow, they could teach me about being undaunted through trials!
-For wonderful friends who have visited me, taken me to lunch or dinner, who have called to listen and encourage me, and that tell me I'm beautiful, even with one eye closed!
-For a fabulous substitute and student teacher and school faculty that have taught my class well and made do with everything at work!
-Oh... and I can't forget! Thanks to my stake president, who answered the phone tonight when I forgot my temple recommend! :) I had a lot on my mind!